Maybe you're better off this way

It’s right in the center of your being.
That horrible longing that won’t go away.
You shut your eyes and there it is, like a picture stamped beneath your eyelids.
A song plays somewhere far away but you’re beyond recognizing music now.
Your brain replays some old, forgotten conversations but you’re beyond recognizing words now.
You recognize the picture.
You recognize the yearning.
And you recognize this miserable cold.

You’re too choked up to cry and not strong enough to stay in one piece.
You’re afraid to move in case you fall and shatter.
Fall, shatter - and there’s no one to pick up what’s left of you.

Because they’re too far away.

Your better sense feeds you excuses
Hundreds of defenses, one better than the next.
You hope and pray that this is for the better
and smile away any gloom that your face might betray.
Everything's fine.
They're only people.
Just memories.

It's almost easy being a hypocrite when people are barely listening.
But it's so much more difficult when there's only the music
Only the eyelids
Only the torrid consciousness which has stirred your mind into a storm of sorts

It burns you inside out.
Leaving your skin burning with memories
And your eyes watering with unseen scars.

That horrible, horrible longing that won’t go away..

Wake up and face me,
Don’t play dead
'Cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say,
“You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way.

[I write randomly, okay? Nothing's wrong, it's just writing. Read it. Get on with your life.]