Static

[I'd posted this a long, long, long time ago. And it got deleted. Someone asked me to put it back up and after days of trying to dig through my word files, here it is. Hope you're happy, LD.]

First posted: 21st February, 2007.
Reposted: 15th September, 2007.

His words were so badly slurred, that I could almost smell the alcohol through the phone.
He was still the same, the one that I had spoken to nearly every weeknight for almost a year now and yet even I didn't realise till I noticed my tight clutch on the phone, how hard it was to decipher what he was saying tonight.
I asked him if he was alright, and he scoffed at me, with the easy abandon of the utterly intoxicated.
In a strange way he never seemed as real as he was when he was inebriated
He says it again.
That.
I keep quiet, enjoying the absence of sound
He laughs at me, mocking almost
"You'll never know"
Maybe
I'm happy this way, I protest
He laughs again, this time tainted with such sarcasm that even I had never put forth
To my over sensitive, yet perceptionless ears, it was cruel
I sighed
What now, I ask
You know, he mumbles
I think, my thoughts mingling with fury at him
He's drunk, I tell myself
Doesn't know what he's talking
A small voice at the back of my head interferes - But he didn't say anything
Argh.
I know how I'm supposed to feel, I say, my confused thoughts spilling out of my mouth
But is this really what I've been looking for?
No, he slurs. What you're looking for is way over here on the other side of the world
I sigh again
He bursts into song, with all the warning of a raindrop in a tempest
An old Ray Charles number, I think, I can't tell..
His drunken stupour is reaching it's peak
Suddenly the hoarse singing stops.
You know something, he asks, his voice normal although his words are sloppy
I shake my head, forgetting he cannot see me
Or maybe he can, in some strange way because..
"Re arrange. It's all there."
And with that he hangs up
Leaving me hanging on his words, waiting for something more
Some explanation?
Nothing comes
I'm left with the dialtone buzzing in my ear
And my own mangled thoughts eating me up inside

The other side of the line

-Heyyyyy, she says in a way of greeting.
- Hello, I say back
- Ssup? The standard opening for every conversation
- Nothing… listening to music and reading… you say? Bored out of my mind I was glad for some interruption
- Nothing ya I’m there only sitting and rotting. Ever the bright ray of sunshine
- lol… I don’t know what to say
- Dude I really think we should sue those Disney bastards Ah, here we go…
- Haha… agreed… what’s with all the Prince Charmings and shit, right? I actually believe this. Maybe it’s some sort of conspiracy to brainwash little girls or something
- YA!!! Stupid anuses… But you know what… as much as it’s stupid to believe it… I think we’ll all get our happy endings Sigh...
- I know what you mean. Don’t we all think that? I don't know what to say, really
- Lol… yeah… But I really believe it Hmm
- Well… hope shines eternal I guess I couldn't think to be so naiive
- Hahaha.. ohh I did Dooi Darshan yesterday The distraction
- Saxxx… I miss her man I follow up on it.. This maybe our way of breaking the intensity and focussing on the more juvenile things of life. Or maybe this is just our way of telling ourselves that there are people worse off..
- hahaha me too she says. It's my turn to bring up a topic. I think...
- hmmm… sometimes I think the whole world is spinning on a whole other axis I don't know where that came from, it almost typed itself out with no control from me
- Hahaha… I know it is! I knew she'd say that.
- Heh… no, but really.. I mean sometimes I don’t even know what trip I’m on.. I can't think where all this is coming from. Such brutal honesty about myself comes rarely and far apart
- You’re telling my life story to me only? Haha..
- Do you think everyone our age feels like this? It's a genuine question
- No man, we’re the only weirdos Interesting
- Lol… too much hairspray kills brain cells, eh?
- lol… what? Understandably, she's confused
- Nothing… just remembered something that happened today
- lol okie… Small talk
- Hmm so whatelse? How’re tuts and all? I follow up on it..
- Don’t ask, I’m so tired of looking at that fat pig’s face everyday I sympathise. I'd been there, after all
- HAHA.. I just love him More small talk, more childishness
- I know soo hot.. And again
- lol… totally I wait for it...
- Dude can I ask you something? There we go..
- Shoot I'm curious as to what it will be this time
- Is it me or is it the world? I sit and stare at the screen for a moment. That was the last thing I was expecting
- I don't know.. :S Genuinely.
- Arrey think na So I do.
- I think it's the world. Or maybe it's you and I can't see it, because maybe it's me too.

I don't remember what happened after that. The internet connection may have dissolved or one of us may have gone offline or maybe we even continued our conversation about some trivial nonsense and rubbish gossip.
But that conversation stayed with me a while.
Maybe it'll stay with me for life
Maybe she'll move away
Maybe we'll stop being friends
But in a world of strangers, maybe we're not as alone as we think, after all...

Muhahaha.

In your FACE, Fart.

GO Shreya.

I love my friends =D

Revelations

What a day yesterday was.
Revelations.
Realization can be a hard slap on the face.

So I guess you never really do know what hides behind a pretty face

An enigmatic smile

Or a lazy laugh

At the end we're all just broken tunes trying to find our fix in the symphony of life, right?

Which basically means we're all supposed to sit around taking bullshit till someday someone comes and says "You've taken enough bullshit, now you can die."

What a treat, huh?

One step closer to nowhere

i can't believe i'm here again
i thought i'd rounded this corner for good
and now again i stand, confused beyond belief
why, why?
it bites like a bitch
it's not a nice place to be
insanity
more insanity
and false hope
the last thing i can believe is that i'm here like THIS
stripped of my dignity
stripped of legibility
stripped of everything i thought i could recognise
i'm tired of lying awake at night thinking about things i don't understand
i'm groping my way in the dark, trying to find my way back to sanity again
except...
i'm not really sure what that means anymore