Affliction.

Sudden disjointed pronouncements of affection
Conscious disregards and momentary elation
Walk and smile
Stay a while
Shielded eyes
Dirty lies
Midnight conversations
Overwrought expectations
Leave, chase
Passive daze
Make me laugh
Torn in half
Breaking hearts
Chocolate tarts
Dreamy high
Abrupt goodbyes
Emotions fail
On your trail
Stand tall
Break my fall
Cease and desist?
I cannot resist.

Choke

Violent
Still
Contained
Spilt
Screaming
Spoken
Breaking
Broken

Now patch up the gashes with pretend binds.
Swathe the cracks in multitudes of layers.
All fixed up in a shiny mess.

How lovely.
Just like you.

Cheap thrills

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control?

It’s alright. Of course it’s alright. It’s always alright.
There’s always the next time.
Who cares about this time?
Except that you can’t help but care
And you can't get your stupid brain to stop imagining hypothetical couldhavebeens.

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold?

The problem with addiction is that you don’t know when to stop.
The problem with addiction is that you don’t even know when you’ve lost control.
Except how do you get addicted to something you’ve barely had?
Ambiguous addiction?
How do you find it so difficult to deal with the loss of something you never even had?
How do you crave the high of something so remote you wonder if you just made it up?

Shouldn’t you have kicked the habit by now?
Shouldn’t you have realized that sometime, someday you’ll have the chance to taste your high again?
And now is just not the time?

Except that..
When you’re down and out like this
How can you not sit around thinking of that high?
That powerful adrenaline rush?
And how you’re going to have to wait so very long to forget yourself again..

Breaking down

After all I knew it had to be something to do with you.."

She tosses her head back and laughs carelessly
Before Her face suddenly drains of mirth
Turning away to hide behind a curtain of Her hair
That girl could be anyone.
Anyone could be that girl.

He watches the girl - grinning now and then
Leaning slightly towards her, He watches
Watches her conflicting emotions wreak havoc on her face
That boy could be anyone.
Anyone could be that boy.

Now there's another.
She’s standing in the rain
Letting the harsh pellets of water strike Her over and over again
Like an unintelligent reprimand
For Her stupidity
Maybe today, She thinks
Unspectacular.
Ordinary.
Could be.. Anyone.

And still somewhere else -
He walks away.
Just walks.
Could be.. Anyone.

And in this throng of Anyone's
We're struggling to be someone's
Somebody's
Anybody's
Everybody's

What makes you so special?
And who the hell are you to save me?

Now I could make this obvious and you,
You could deny me
All in one breath
You could shrug me off your shoulders.
But I don't think that you know -
What you've been missing.

------------------------------------

[Once again, it's just writing. It's not necessarily about someone or something that happened to have occured in my life. I'm not quite that exciting or dramatic. Read. Move on.]

build God, then we'll talk

There's this game on Facebook that almost everyone I know's addicted to.
Or will be addicted to.
Or was addicted to.
I'm not really a fan of internet or anysort of gaming really, but even my fingers are getting sore guiding that stupid yellow helmet-ed man around.

Haha, and you knowwhat'sfunny?
What's sofreakinghilarious?
Soincrediblyhumorousit'sprobablygoingtomakeyoucry?
I'll tell you.
It's how much something as stupid as Jetman resembles real life.
There isn't much to it.
Soar.
Or free fall.
Soar too high and you'll crash into the roof and die.
Free fall too much and, well... there's nothing that's going to save you from a Roadrunner-esque death.
Splat, crack, goodbye.
Oh and in between all this flying and falling, you have to dodge obstacles that are waylaying your path for no apparent reason.
And the only one keeping the yellow man alive - is you. All depends on how skillful you are at balancing the dodging, falling and rising.

Talk about virtual reality, huh?
XD

Someday I'd like to meet whoever's controlling the mouse on my life-sized facebook game.
I'll teach them a thing or two about cheat codes.

However.
This rotten person who cannot use the mouse to save his- no wait, my- life?
It's probably me.

Argh.
It would be so nice to blame the crap on someone else, y'know?
Just believe that everything stupid and unreasonable that happens to you - someone else's fault.
Wallow in self pity, et al.

Oh wait. That's what we have a god for.

Gah.

Heh. It must be irony.
Nothing else sucks as much.

[P.S. The title. Don't ask. Probably the best line Chuck Palahniuk ever wrote. One of them, anyway.]

Stupid irony!

It's strange because all my life logic failed me
And over the next week, I fail logic.
>.<

Yes, I steal dialogues from Chandler Bing, so sue me.

Maybe you're better off this way

It’s right in the center of your being.
That horrible longing that won’t go away.
You shut your eyes and there it is, like a picture stamped beneath your eyelids.
A song plays somewhere far away but you’re beyond recognizing music now.
Your brain replays some old, forgotten conversations but you’re beyond recognizing words now.
You recognize the picture.
You recognize the yearning.
And you recognize this miserable cold.

You’re too choked up to cry and not strong enough to stay in one piece.
You’re afraid to move in case you fall and shatter.
Fall, shatter - and there’s no one to pick up what’s left of you.

Because they’re too far away.

Your better sense feeds you excuses
Hundreds of defenses, one better than the next.
You hope and pray that this is for the better
and smile away any gloom that your face might betray.
Everything's fine.
They're only people.
Just memories.

It's almost easy being a hypocrite when people are barely listening.
But it's so much more difficult when there's only the music
Only the eyelids
Only the torrid consciousness which has stirred your mind into a storm of sorts

It burns you inside out.
Leaving your skin burning with memories
And your eyes watering with unseen scars.

That horrible, horrible longing that won’t go away..

Wake up and face me,
Don’t play dead
'Cause maybe
Someday I’ll walk away and say,
“You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way.

[I write randomly, okay? Nothing's wrong, it's just writing. Read it. Get on with your life.]