Shut eyes, closed minds..

So tonight I’ll bask
In glory unseen
I feel more than you know
Yet less than you feel

Tonight I will wait
Wait for your strike
Almost lustful for the adrenaline rush
As I strum the strings of time

You’re foreign, almost
Untouchable in your precision
I fear if I come near,
You might break of the tension

Stay quiet, lie still
Drink in the calm, the tranquility
Don’t speak or you won’t see
The perfection in this immobility

So tonight I’ll be silent
Rolled over, legs curled
Leave me in the magic, the madness
Of my shut eye world…

Flash

Hide
Hide behind your self made wall
You think you’re invisible now
Laugh
Laugh out loud, let it resound
It jars in this room
Crashing
Like a breakdown of symphony
Run
Far away, find yourself a new home
A new home in the wilderness
Of a new heart
Or
Stay
Stay here and let me take some of the fight
Let me do the saving this time
Blind
Maybe you’re too blind to discern
But everything that you are, I see
Deaf
Maybe you’re too deaf to heed
But you can slur your words
They’re still
Crystal to me
Raw
Your heart is cold
Let me heal
Bank on me
I wish
How I wish you could see
You don’t need finding, I never lost you
So you can
Hide
But you’re right here
And to me, you’re bare and clear
You can
Run
But the further you escape
The nearer I’ll be
You can
Laugh
But would you pause?
Because I can
Hear
And this mirth is rankling
So don’t leave
Because leaving might mean
That it’s too late
Wait
Spurn your lucidity a while
And let me save you
Or these good times?
They might kill you

Pfuit

I just realised it's very high time I hit the books
I mean, apparently, people have begun revision and stuff
Me?
I don't know the portion, yet
Pfft.
My exams are in..
in..
*counting*
one.. two.. three.. four.. five.. six.. seven.. eight..
NINE DAYS.
Aiyyo.
I don't know why I said that, I think I'm going crazy
No I'm not
Yes I am
No I'm not
Yes I am
Okay yeah I probably am..

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Reasons why my life resembles The OC
- Constantly surrounded by unneeded, self-created drama
- The place I study (*cough*) is filled with anorexic bitches like Marissa Cooper
- I don't like it very much
- I seem to find the time to do everything but actually pay attention to academics
- Adam Brody loves me
- No, really
- Okay, maybe he doesn't
- Except that he does
- Sigh
- It comes with it's own soundtrack
- It makes no sense, and I don't understand why other people find it so fascinating
- I know a Ryan
- People find the Ryan I know hot
- Very. Hot.
- They're both kind of gay
- *Dodges slipper* Okay, Ryan is not gay
- Doesn't the guy who plays Ryan in The OC resemble a hobbit?
- Oh, but hobbits are cute
- And a little dangerous
- I think I might crack up and die if Ryan from The OC tried to hit me
- People only ever pay attention when they're bored
- I'm bored now
- Bye

If that isn't testament enough to how exciting and action-packed my life is, then you should probably make lists like that, too
Eesh

Boys are stupid
They are, it's true
If you don't believe me
You're probably one, too!

-Stop chucking those rotten tomatoes at me, you bastards!-

I think that's a signal for me to leave.
Blah.

That's it, I'm out.

X

*disappears*

Burn

Tell me what you see?
Tell me what you hear?
Tell me what you feel?
Tell me something
I'm always listening

Show me what you like?
Show me what you hate?
Show me the world?
Or show me nothing at all
Show meI'm always looking

-------------------------------------------------------------

Fight me if you please
Kiss me if you need
Hold me if you like
Just don't look away

I won't ask you to sit by my side
Or hold me by my hand
Or paint me a picture
That's stupid
But then again, so is this

You're not who I want
You're not what I need
You're nothing at all
And yet in this moment
You're all I seek

---------------------------------------


[Extremely annoyed and repulsed by this post, the only thing keeping me from deleting this is that I never delete, if I post. Sigh. Stupid principles.]

Pfft.

It's been a long, long, looooong three days.
Not that I'm complaining, I suppose we all need our little jolts to whack the system back in place.
Case in point: My food habits.. or lack thereof
For a note to all those who think otherwise: Three days of nausea isn't really too much fun

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

For once, just ONCE can people stop being so infantile?

I mean, honestly?

Idontgiveafuck

I made my efforts

Don't like what you see?

My heart is positively breaking.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I haven't a clue what brought on this post

Maybe because it's a little too personal for a rant

And a little to impersonal for the journal

Anyway

Tomorrow I go back to posts of unneeded heartache, unreasonable fears and exterior fractures in juvenile relationships that meant nothing to begin with

Haha

Indeed

What fun it is to be sixteen..

Vapour

Stinging cold mixes with the warmth of her skin and she gazes sleepily into the light
The alcohol feels nice this morning, she thinks, her senses dulled not slightly by the sleepless night behind her
Her legs curl up underneath her, as she sits cat-like sipping the intoxication from her glass
She glances down at it and laughs
It’s like drinking gold, she thinks
She swirls it around and her watch falls on the road again, expectantly
Finally the sun rises over the horizon and with it the people descend from the hillside beneath which she sits
They avoid looking at her like they always have.
She laughs out loud at them, pointing at how foolish they are.
She knows how they think and she laughs harder
They think life has passed her by
Ha! What do they know? I'm not crazy.
She turns her gaze on the road once again.
Waiting.
Watching.
She ignores the blade concealed within her clothes once more.
Not today she thinks
One more day, I’ll wait
But tomorrow… tomorrow… She giggles.

And swirling the Rapunzilian liquid once more she breathes in the air and waits..

Suspended

Paradox, once again finds the high pedestal it set for itself, once upon a time in my life.
As I am snatched of the few seconds I have to speak my mind, I am pushed again to speak my heart. I've stopped trying to think like me for slowly I'm losing the actuality of who I am somewhere amongst the forever mingling ideas of what I am.
I am straying from this reality, yet a step away from fantasy, deprived of clear thought as I struggle to distinguish between what the mirror sees and what I see.
The fantastical idea of who I could be continues to haunt me and yet I seem not to find the gumption to be it.
I tire of looking in the mirror, the gaze is critical.
I no longer want to be in the utopia I once possessed.
For once,
I just want to be.


[It's weird the kind of thoughts that come to you after a night of broken sleep and meaningless dreams.]

Smile like you mean it

Weird ass crap that makes sense
"I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a que,
To turn and run
When all I needed was the truth"

"Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you
That's drifting over to me."

Smile like you mean it
It's ironic that that's my pen name
Because these days
It's getting really hard to do.

"Bare and cold
Skin tingling with the marks
Of your repulsive designs
Bare and cold
Insides clenching
Under the haemorrhage of
Your cruel affection
Bare and cold
I will remain
Until you take
Your crippling hex
Off my head
Bare and cold
I beg to remain
Under the delusion of the
Twisted reality you bring to me
Bare and cold
Then
Now
This is how it will always be"

See

[The only reason I named it this is that when I proof read it, I realised it's the most used word in this writing
It's not much, nor is it something I'd normally share.. but whatever
The weather is volatile as are my moods
And please do not flood me with questions like "what's the problem?"
I'm not quite as suicidal or as dramatic as I make myself out to be..]

It's wrong of you to stay
And still you won’t walk away
The pain you speak will crush me
And still this mask will hide me

I tell you to turn your back on me
You're searching for a hope you won’t find
You’ll call me out for what you see
Your affections blur this reality

The shadow you glimpsed is tainted
With scars you’re too blind to see
They’re there but you won’t believe
What I want you to see within me

Your perceptions are chaotic
I fear you will never recognize
What a fool you make of yourself
Every moment spent with me

Maybe one day you will begin
To see I'm running a race I won't win
Can't you see how you ruin the simplicity?
I beg you, to turn your back on me